WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD! 😂
Turn 18. Need a car.
Bank: "You have no credit history."
NO SHIT! WAS I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY C-SECTION ON A PAYMENT PLAN?!
Try to build credit.
"You need credit first."
THEN WHO THE FUCK DO I BORROW IT FROM?! JESUS?!
Apply for a better job.
"You're…WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD! 😂
Turn 18. Need a car.
Bank: "You have no credit history."
NO SHIT! WAS I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY C-SECTION ON A PAYMENT PLAN?!
Try to build credit.
"You need credit first."
THEN WHO THE FUCK DO I BORROW IT FROM?! JESUS?!
Apply for a better job.
"You're overqualified."
Next job.
"You lack experience."
AM I A FUCKING GENIUS OR DO I NEED A HELMET?!
"Entry-level. Five years required."
ENTRY INTO WHAT?! THE FUCKING WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM?!
Start a business.
"Go find investors!"
Get accepted into a deal room.
"We absolutely LOVE your company!"
FINALLY! SOMEONE WITH MONEY AND A PULSE!
"But you need more traction."
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE!
"More revenue."
NO SHIT, WARREN BUFFETT!
"Preferably a million dollars a year."
MOTHERFUCKER, IF I WAS MAKING A MILLION A YEAR, I'D BE TAKING THIS MEETING FROM A YACHT WITH YOUR WIFE!
"Come back when you're successful."
FOR WHAT?! TO REPOSSESS YOUR FUCKING OFFICE?!
So let me get this straight...
Need credit? ALREADY HAVE CREDIT!
Need experience? ALREADY HAVE EXPERIENCE!
Need money? ALREADY BE RICH!
Need investors? BECOME A FUCKING BANK!
SO THE ONLY WAY TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE IS TO ALREADY BE AHEAD?!
WHO THE FUCK IS RUNNING THIS CIRCUS?!
BECAUSE I'VE SEEN BETTER FINANCIAL DECISIONS MADE BY A CRACKHEAD AT A GAS STATION SCRATCHING LOTTERY TICKETS!
AND AT LEAST THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S WILLING TO TAKE A RISK! 💀
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